My path to healing.
Xochitl (Flower, in Nahuatl): Reaching our best potential in this life; Lucidity; Enlightenment.
I was always different from others, but not in a bad way.
I grew up in a Christian (Latter-Day Saint, aka Mormon) family with seven children. My father served as a Chaplain in the United States Army, and my mother took care of all of us children when he went off to war and other assignments. Our family had and has a lot of love for one another. Looking back, I can see how I had some unusual abilities and talents. My father called me "the peacemaker" because my siblings didn't fight when I was around. I had a way of connecting with children and babies that got me a lot of babysitting gigs. I excelled in academia, read widely, and never ran out of creative inspiration for music, art, writing, and games.
From a young age, I had a vivid inner life, and often felt like I was many people combined into one. I knew many mysteries and miracles through dreaming and contemplation. I often looked inside of myself, turning my awareness onto itself like a snake eating its own tail, in an effort to understand the nature of my own existence and the source of my abilities to imagine and perceive.
With increasing age it became impossible to reconcile my spiritual experiences with the framework of religion and the support network that fostered me. During my teenage years I experienced the suicide of a beloved sibling (they are all beloved) and spent time in a mental hospital after attempting the same. Years of grief, drug addictions, dysphoria, experimentation, and searching followed.
During those years I had multiple death and rebirth experiences, out of body experiences, visions of Divinity, and paranormal and mystical experiences of many kinds. I learned many wonderful things, yet was not able to balance my energies or to sustain a coherent world-view. I knew no peace, and I barely even knew that I did not know peace; I was geared only to struggle and fight, believing that I had to do everything on my own and that I was in a solitary struggle against a mostly predatory Universe. On an abstract level I sought the aid of Spirit, but I was not in a place where I could receive that in a conscious way. I learned and grew, yet fell repeatedly into underworlds of addiction, severe depression, poverty, and disease.
In my early thirties, I was once again slavishly smoking an insanely addictive chemical drug through a glass pipe, when I suddenly had a profound spiritual awakening. Out of nowhere, I experienced a new degree of freedom that I had never known before. It was as if God reached down and touched me with Her finger -- and as if I had always been confined to the surface of a sheet of paper, yet now rose above it. I recognized that, while I had truly given the best of myself, I was limited, and I could not overcome my addiction to this drug through my own power. Simultaneously I saw that I could give this problem to Source and it would be handled for me. I chose this option and was immediately filled with a deep knowing and peace. I have never wanted that drug again. Instead, I want to keep my connection to Spirit alive and active and to express that connection in all I do and am.
Soon I began to live a life I would have scarcely imagined before that momentous awakening. I received help from many directions, in the form of healing work, loving friendships and relationships, financial support, and more. After a few excruciating months of the deepest sorrow and suffering I have ever known -- through which the peace and strength of Spirit was always with me (though sometimes I had to reach a bit for it!) -- I began to experience health and happiness far beyond anything I'd known before. I felt my heart and solar plexus centers opening and growing larger, and found new perceptual and energetic abilities! I'd had glimpses of these abilities and powers in the past, but they never stayed, probably because I didn't know what they were meant for. I also began to receive guidance from within and to follow it. That is how I started my healing work, sometime in 2010, as described on the first page of this site. I have been offering it almost continuously since then.
I won't say I've been perfect since then, in always understanding and following my inner guidance. I'm still human and I know I have my faults. But I can say that I keep doing my best, I love life, and I know in my heart and belly that life is beautiful and full of magic and joy, whether we notice or not! We are all loved by Spirit, and we are meant to thrive. I feel this love from Spirit most profoundly in my healing work, when I become a "little hollow bone" through which it flows to you. In truth, you're always connected to this love, but sometimes we need another human to help us receive it.
I have spent the last ten or so years meditating, making music, working at a health food store (mainly as a wellness counselor in the supplement department, but also as a manager), in downtown Eugene, and experimenting with alchemy, ormus, subtle energies, and in related realms.
I currently teach monthly classes in meditation and have a book project in the works. Teaching and healing work bring me happiness and joy. I also love to dance, and play, and I believe in balance. Everything changes. There's always something beautiful, there's always something difficult. Real happiness and love come from our inner being, from Source - beyond duality, beyond cause and effect. When we awaken to the fluidity of Spirit within, the world inevitably reflects that back to us.